I for a month now have struggled with something that I know so many others deal with and try to deny. It's something that we all want so badly to wish away and not admit that is there-so we just act like we are okay and tell others that we are okay. We come before God with our fake unsincere hearts, not really feeling anything. For a little while I was searching so hard for what God was doing in my life and how He was working, but I just couldn't seem to find it. I felt like I couldn't see His beauty anywhere I looked and I honestly just felt alone. I was a really good faker because only one person, my friend April, knew that I felt this way. And honestly if she wasn't just the best person at getting things out of me and making me talk, I don't think I would have even told her. I think I was scared to say out loud or admit that I wasn't feeling God or seeing Him at work, because I was scared as to what that meant of my faith or for my life.
I was sitting down at lunch one day with April and just pouring my heart out to her about all of these things and how I honestly am scared to say it out loud that I don't feel God right now. It was the time around when people were starting to make Fall Break plans and I had come up with the crazy idea to go to the Grand Canyon and no one really knew why and everyone really just thought it was a joke and just blew it off. One of my crazy friends, Chase who is always up for anything, said, "Let's do it." So on and off we had talked about it and in my head the whole time I knew that I would be going. So sitting there at lunch with my friend I finally admitted to her my real reason why I was so adamant about going to the Grand Canyon. I wanted desperately to see something of God's beauty. I needed to. I wanted so bad to feel Him and see Him in my life again.
Now I know this road trip to many and almost everyone I know seemed pretty insane, but it was going to happen for me whether I had to go by myself or not. (my mom doesn't know that part...) But luckily I had four very close friends that wanted to join in this journey for God's beauty with me. We set out on Thursday afternoon the day before our fall break and left. We drove through the night and arrived Friday afternoon around 11 o'clock. Now the drive was very long. 23 hours to be exact and about the time we hit the middle of nothingness in Texas my fear set in. I got scared I was going to get all the way out to Arizona and not find the beauty of God. I don't know why I suddenly got fearful at about 4 o'clock in the morning staring out at pitch black fields, but I did. And then suddenly-God said stop it. There was all of a sudden this crazy lightening storm that we got to watch almost the whole way through Texas. It was amazing. It was the true power of God. I wasn't fearful anymore.
We got to the park, checked in and saw our campsite and then made our way to one of the points of the canyon. I'm not going to lie I was nervous. I got out of the car and we were all just giddy. I had tears in the corners of my eyes because I knew what was coming. I was about to see with my own two eyes the beauty that God had made for me to see. It was amazing. It was awesome, and I can say it was awesome because God made it. It was more beautiful that I could have ever thought a big hole in the ground could be. And every scientist in the world can tell me that the Colorado River made this hole, but I know that God made this canyon for me to see His beauty on that very weekend.
Its beautiful-right? We went a little further down around the Canyon and looked back and right in front of us was a rainbow right in the middle of the Canyon. What more of a sign from my Father that he was right there? So sometimes it is okay not to feel like God is listening or that He is even here, but I encourage you to stop and take some time to find the things that make you full of His joy. Whether it is traveling 3300 miles to see a big hole in the ground so you can see the beauty of God, or something simple like crafts, or writing notes to others, or gardening. Make a list. God is everywhere, and whether we feel it all the time or not-He is always right here. Don't get discouraged.
Here are some more pictures from our trip-Enjoy!
No comments:
Post a Comment